Broomstick Problems
by Effervescence
Summary: Seamus becomes aware of a concerning "problem"...and being Seamus, drags everybody else along for the ride. Somewhat mature content, so I hope the rating's okay.


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Broomstick Problems

By Effervescent Shine

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, JK does. 

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"Erectile difficulties!" were the first two words out of Seamus Finnigan's mouth one afternoon after he burst into the Gryffindor common room waving a magazine. The guys of the room looked at each other and at Seamus with raised eyebrows and puzzled expressions, and Hermoine sighed, slammed her books shut and headed off to the library, dragging a giggling Ginny Weasly behind her.

"What are you going on about now?" ask Ron as soon as his little sister was out of earshot.

"Erectile difficulties. It says here," Seamus waved the magazine at Ron, "that riding on broomsticks for too long can cause them!" Sighing exasperatedly at the blank stares of the other Gryffindors, Seamus said, "Don't you guys get it?" This only led to more blank stares and more sighing from Seamus. "It's horrible! I either have to give up my dreams of quidditch or my dreams of women!!" He shouted dramatically and looked around at the group of people, clearly expecting a reaction of some sort. However, being used to him, Harry and Ron went back to their chess game, Dean went back to his homework, and Neville went back under the couch, looking for Trevor.

Seamus made a face, clearly not impressed, and was about to go find a more responsive audience (surely some Hufflepuffs would listen to him) when Fred and George came down the stairs. "Hey Seamus," called George, "we're going outside to fly around a bit, maybe have some sort of game…wanna come?"

"ARGH!" yelled Seamus loudly (probably a lot more loudly than necessary) as he fell over onto the couch.

After that afternoon, it started to seem like everyone had broomsticks on the brain. Seamus was incredibly hung up on the problem, and went around muttering things like, "maybe if I got some padding…" and Fred and George took to asking people if they were having broomstick problems and laughing madly. That was unfortunate for Angelina, because when they asked her, she answered yes quite honestly - her broom was having alignment problems and was veering to the left. By the time she got someone to stop laughing long enough to explain what was so funny to her, she was really annoyed, and she stormed off to join Hermoine and Ginny in a not-so-testosterone-filled room. 

Later that week, in Potions, before the class had started, a (what else?) broomstick discussion broke out. The Gryffindors sat there fairly quietly until Draco Malfoy started bragging loudly and obnoxiously about his new, state of the line broomstick. He got through how great it was and how he got it over the Christmas break with no response, save a few sideways glances and smirks from the Gryffindors. By the time he started saying how he had flown it almost everyday of the holidays, Ron and Harry had burst into laughter, not hiding it nearly as well as some of the other snickering Gryffindors. 

Luckily, Snape walked in just in time to silence the laughter and to make Draco sit back down, but at the end of the class he called Ron and Harry up to talk to him. He demanded an explanation for their disruptive behavior – and glared fiercely at Ron when he tried to protest that they weren't really disrupting anything because class hadn't started yet. When they reluctantly told him, he stared at them in shock. 

"That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! And from you, no less. I would maybe except such childish behavior from the first years, but you're old enough to know better. 20 points from Gryffindor for disrupting the class and another 10 points for immaturity. Now," he said sternly, when they tried to protest, "I think you have another class you should be in. Go."

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"Stupid Seamus and his stupid magazines…" grumbled Ron, later that day, back in the Common Room. A few of the Gryffindors that had been in Potions with Harry and Ron were gathered around, listening to the two relate what had happened with Snape. 

"30 points? Oy…" sighed Dean and Ron muttered a quiet "it's all Seamus' fault" in reply.

"It's not," Harry protested, "it's our own fault just as much as his. If we hadn't got so caught up in the whole thing, none of this would have happened." The boys nodded in agreement.

"Right then," said Dean. "Who votes that we should just ignore the things Seamus says from now on?"

"We do!" Said Ron and Harry at the same time.

"Us too," called Hermoine from the other side of the Common Room and Angelina and Ginny nodded from beside her. 

The other students around them chorused their agreement as well, and by the time a group of daring first years put in their two cents, the group had broken out into laughter.

They were still laughing when Seamus entered the room. "Hey, you guys!" He called. "I just heard that too much Butterbeer can cause infertility…"

Review, por favor!


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